I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
