Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
