I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize