i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
