thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
