somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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