why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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