i would punch a child for taco bell
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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