People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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