I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
