I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
