I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
