you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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