I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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