Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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