She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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