Whod you bang
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
