Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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