I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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