Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize