i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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