Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
