wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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