I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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