i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
