Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
