I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
