I am spending my child support on dildos
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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