Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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