wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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