You're my little dorito
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
