Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
