Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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