how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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