Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
