dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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