Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
