Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
