You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
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Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
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I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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