Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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