I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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