and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
