Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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