We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
