on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
