I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
