i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
