I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
