I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
