thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I need to stop coming to work sober
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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