I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
