So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
