Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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