He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize