It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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