just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
