So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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