I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
