just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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