just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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