Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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