shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
