Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
