I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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