if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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