had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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