im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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