I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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