Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize