I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
