I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
