Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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