you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize