you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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