Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
