dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
