i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
