We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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