FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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