There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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