u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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