Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
